I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
