and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
