I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
