Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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