Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
