and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
