get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
