"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize