can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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