So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
