i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
