I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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