What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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