can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
