my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
