I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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