the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
