watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
