talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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