i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
