before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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