you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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