I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
