Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
