im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
