3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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