i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I supernannyed him into submission
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
