i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize