Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
