that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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