why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
