Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
