I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
