he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
