is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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