Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
