Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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