i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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