YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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