Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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