You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize