we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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