Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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