I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
