You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
