we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
