East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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