Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
