Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
