i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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