Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
