Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
