Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
