Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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