god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
