he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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