Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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