did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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