peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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