I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
