I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
