did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
