I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
