I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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