remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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