i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
