Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
