I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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