hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
