I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize