Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
