someone threw a dead crab at me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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