Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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