What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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