I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
