Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
