i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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