i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
