Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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