so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
