Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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