okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
